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Sat, May

Massage by Robot

1) "Was there life on Mars?" There might have been. "Curiosity" the NASA Mars Rover has been wandering around Mars since 2012. In the Gale Crater it found some "goopy" stuff, similar to oil, that may have been there for 3.5 million years. Also traces of methane have been discovered. Now we know oil comes from deceased dinosaurs and methane from gassy cows. Now when the Rover finds some discarded plastic bottles we'll know, along with the dinosaurs and cows, that there were Martians and they littered. We'll also know that plastic bottles DO last forever.

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Dumpster Diving for SPAM Cans

1) Well, this figures doesn't it? After years of separating garbage into different containers it turns out much of the stuff all ends up in landfills anyway. Good old China is one big reason. About 1/3 of recycled items get shipped abroad with China being the biggest importer. This year China imposed strict new rules which ban most of it. One company in Oregon now sends all its recycling to landfills. So, the next time you toss an empty SPAM can in the wrong container, you won't need to "container dive" to retrieve it. Just leave it where it is. "They" will.

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Facts about “The Dreamers”

1) We forget 90% of our dreams. Five minutes after waking up half of them are gone. After ten minutes, 90% are gone. 12% of sighted people dream only in black and white. Everybody else dreams in full color, unless your dream is on NBC, then it is in "Living Color." In our dreams we only see faces we already know. Our mind doesn't invent faces.

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Surely, Jesus Would Fly Coach

 


1) New Orleans based televangelist, Jesse Duplantis (photo right)is seeking donations to buy a Dussalult Falcon 7 X private jet. It doesn't come cheap at $54 million. Jesse claims he was told by God to believe for this specific plane since it can make longer trips and save money on fuel.Duplantis also said if Jesus came back today he wouldn't be traveling around on a donkey. I can buy that. I do think though, if he were flying, he wouldn't be on a private jet, he'd fly commercial in coach.

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For Those Who Can’t Walk and Chew Gum at the Same Time

1) Japanese researchers suggest that Walking and Chewing Gum at the same time can help lose weight. Heart rates increased when doing both. We often hear that there are people, MANY it seems, who can't walk and chew gum at the same time. If you are unable to do this weight losing remedy you should Google can't walk and chew gum at the same time. They will suggest where to get help and add that to everything else they have on you.

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Judge Fines Kid $36 Million

1) The 15-year-old boy who started the Eagle Creek fire in the Colombia River Gorge east of Portland, last summer, has been ordered to pay over a $36,000,000 fine. This kid will need two after school jobs to pay off 36 mil. After enjoying getting everyone's attention, especially the boy with the fine, the judge acknowledges he can't pay the full judgement. It's likely the juvenile department will work out some affordable and realistic payment plan. 

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Doze at Your Own Risk

1) Durango, a small town in Southwestern Colorado, has passed an ordinance the bans sitting or lying down on sidewalks, curbs, streets, railways (who would lie on a railway?), alleys and parking spaces from 7AM to 2:30AM. People can rest on benches but no dozing off. From 2:30AM until 7:00AM the ban is not in effect. So, you can get some get some rest or doze off during those hours but be sure to leave a 7:00AM wake up call.

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Support Goats are Un-American

1) American Airlines has announced restrictions on some animals on their flights. Not considered Support Animals: ferrets, hedgehogs and goats. The animals allowed can't occupy a seat, must fit at the passenger's feet or under the seat. Trained mini-horses are allowed. I can't imagine a mini-horse "mini" enough to fit under a seat. No insects are allowed so no support cockroaches. Growling, biting or attempting to bite, jumping or lunging at people is not allowed. Those restrictions apply to passengers along with Support Animals. 

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New Law for Kansas Cops: No More Sex on Traffic Stops

1) A new Kansas law makes it a crime for police to have sex with people they pull over for traffic violations or detain in criminal investigations.One would have thought that was already illegal. Not so. In fact, in 33 states consensual sex between the detained and the detainee wasn't a crime. I suppose, prior to passing this law, some negotiation could result in reckless driving becoming failure to come to a complete stop. 

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Arrested for MUI … Mowing While Intoxicated

1)    Here we go again. Richard Lebow, a professor, found himself in an elevator with another professor, Simona Sharoni. She asked him what floor he needed and he said, "ladies' lingerie." Immediately, the alarm on her Misogyny Dector went off and she filed a complaint. He claimed it was just a stupid joke, he didn't intend to offend but her complaint was rather frivolous. Second mistake. Now Lebow is being threatened with disciplinary procedures. Considering this story, a quote from Matt Groening, the creator of the Simpsons, is right on target: "It's a time in our culture where people love to pretend they're offended."

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Analog Clocks: Yesterday’s News

1) A survey in Oklahoma found only one in ten children 6 to 12 wear a watch and of that number only one in five knew how to read an analog clock. It seems exposure to technology results in everyone being used to digital. Kids all have cell phones and tablets, so they don't look at an analog clock very often. Should a parent tell their kid to be home for dinner by a quarter after six, they will be met with a "Huh? When's that?"

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Pressure to Defend Saint Brokaw

1) Female staffers at NBC News are complaining they felt pressured to sign the "women's letter" defending Tom Brokaw against sexual harassment allegations. 115 have signed, so far, including many of the female "star" anchors.Megan Kelly cautioned there may be more to this saying. "You don't know what you don't know." What the women signing the letter DID know is, they'd better sign the letter. Basically the letter claimed Tom is a "Saint", or will be, as soon as the paperwork is submitted.

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‘Not Tonight. I have a Headache’

1) Seems like every day there is another story about a Sex Robot. The latest is named Harmony and is equipped with Artificial Intelligence. Harmony doesn't come cheap. She costs around 20 grand. That aside, which is granted a considerable aside, the A.I makes her really life like. Besides moaning, she might also say things like, "You were working late? My computer chip you were working late." Or how about this perennial, "Not tonight. I have a headache." 

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The $500 Apple

1) On a Delta flight from Paris the passengers were given an apple towards the end of the flight. Crystal Tadlock put it in her carry-on to eat later. US Customs randomly searched her bag and the apple was found. Since it is illegal to bring in undocumented apples the Customs agent did his duty. He asked her if her trip was expensive. She said "yeah." "Well, it's about to get more expensive after I charge you $500.00." Real Cute Ass-Clown. Delta should have advised passengers not to take the apples off the plane. Crystal should advise Delta her next flight will be on another airline.

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The Undeliverance Starring the Overwhelmed

1) "UNDELIVERANCE" starring Alesky Germash. It seems Alesky failed to deliver some 17,000 pieces of mail going as far back as 2005. There were bags of mail found in his car, work locker and home. He claimed he was just overwhelmed with the volume of mail. The old "Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds" unless the courier is overwhelmed.

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But, Frisco is #1 with Doo Doo!

1) Eight of the top ten cities with the worst ozone pollution are here in California. Once again LA/Long Beach took first prize with our friends in Bakersfield coming in number two. Fresno, Sacramento and San Diego also did well. What about San Francisco? They were number one with doo doo in the streets. The president of SF Travel says something needs to be done. Nothing gets by this guy. It appears tourists don't like wading through filth to get on board "Little Cable Cars Climbing Halfway To The Stars."

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Secret to Successful Aging

1) There was a recent series of articles and an expo on how to achieve "Successful Aging." There was information on health … especially diet. Most of the diets didn't contain anything that you used to like to eat.One item that caught my eye was planning plausible excuses for not attending Family Events like Birthdays and holidays like Thanksgiving.Not mentioned is the most important thing to "Successful Aging" is NOT DYING

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Road Gold

1) 20 years for 3 degrees? In LA there is a project to paint streets with a light-colored heat reducing seal coat. It is produced by a company called GuardTop. The cost is $40,000 per mile. Last year, due to climate change, Mayor Garcetti, said this is a 20-year project which will result in a reduction of 3 degrees Fahrenheit. That sure is an expensive 3 degrees. Two thoughts here. Rejoice the 3 degrees will mean, finally, a costly government project will be well worth all that money. Second thought is - invest GoodTop 

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Poll: 10% Millennials Think Earth is Flat

1) The Department of Homeland Security wants to track the "comings and goings" of journalists, bloggers and other media influencers. That would include me. They plan on listing "us" in a database. It's called DHS "Media Monitoring."

The request comes amid concerns regarding accuracy in media that US elections and policies might by be influenced by Fake News. There I am again. Nice to finally receive some richly deserved recognition.

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Gen Z: The Bored Generation

1) Generation "Z" Teenagers are bored. With their Smart phones and unlimited Internet access they claim they have never been so bored. It seems, after a while, they've gone through everything there is to do on the device. Here is a idea for "The Bored" Try reading books. Get a library card and go checkout some books. There still might be a few available that some aggrieved group hasn't been able to ban for containing something, anything or everything that offends them. And kids you don't need to keep recharging a book. 

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Tell Her You Voted for Stephen Colbert


1) A home owner in Sacramento is selling her home but not to a Trump Supporter. Political Party doesn't fall into one of the seven protected classes of The Fair Housing Act. They are Race, Religion, Color, Disability, National Origin, Sex (although now that's negotiable) and familial status. If a Trump supporter really wants the house don't just say you voted for Hillary. Be creative, tell her you voted for Stephan Colbert. 

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