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ERIC PREVEN’S NOTEBOOK - What to Watch For: Tomorrow’s county Board meeting is half self-congratulation, half controlled burn. The Supervisors are back to doing what they do best — approving a wall of consent items with one motion and a smile while pretending that fiscal discipline is alive and well in Los Angeles County.
Let’s start with the free parking parade. Between fee waivers, reduced rates, and “symbolic events,” we’re looking at over $74,000 in foregone revenue. There’s $22,000 for the Mock Trial competition, $4,000 for the Lifeguard Swim Test, $1,000 for L.A. Found Day at Grand Park, and a retroactive $520 nod to Latino Heritage Month. Add a $250 permit giveaway for the PS I Love You beach day and a whopping $46,800 waiver for the Malibu Moves Half Marathon — the County’s version of a boutique Black Friday sale for the fitness set — complete with a bargain $5 parking special. By the end, it’s clear the Supervisors are allergic to saying no to anyone holding a flyer and a hashtag.
On the policy front, a few things actually matter. Solis and Horvath are moving $1.3 million in provisional funds to launch a mobile immigrant services fleet, the kind of thing that sounds like a lifeline but risks turning into a well-intentioned mystery van. Solis also doubles down with an immigrant-protection motion that tasks County education leaders with implementing AB 49 and SB 98 — because nothing says “sanctuary” like a report-back in 30 days.
The Digital Equity Roadmap is getting another polish, now co-sponsored by Mitchell and Solis, promising to close the digital divide with a year-long study of all the other studies. Out in the real world, Oaktober 2025 arrives courtesy of Horvath, celebrating trees while the Men’s Central Jail closure is kicked down the road again.
Sheriff Luna and Chief Marrone.
Barger brings the headline act — an AB 218 fraud investigation into the lawyers behind the County’s $4 billion sex-abuse settlement, complete with a fraud hotline, a 14-day report-back, and a rare glimpse of the Supervisors trying to hold someone — anyone — accountable, possibly including themselves.
Meanwhile, County Counsel is “studying” eviction protections for families hit by federal immigration actions (Item 24), Dean Logan the Registrar-Recorder promises a smooth Nov 4 Special Election (Item 28), and Item 39 quietly pulls back a marriage-license fee hike — romance, deferred.
Then there’s the fire continuum: Item 49 extends the Eaton Fire disaster ordinance through August 2026, letting rebuilds move faster in scorched areas, while Item A-1 keeps the Franklin Fire and January 2025 windstorm emergencies alive. The Franklin scar, incidentally, acted as a natural fuel break that helped stop the Palisades Fire from devouring Malibu — the kind of unpaid overtime that puts every consultant contract to shame. Maybe tomorrow someone will connect those dots: rebuild smarter, pre-treat faster, and stop calling recovery “resilience” until it actually means something.
If you can’t make it, that’s your cheat sheet: $74,000 in freebies, $1.3 million on wheels, one hotline to atone for $4 billion in sins, and a forest of good intentions.
While the County fogs itself in ceremony, the City sails for clearer air — down in Long Beach.
Long Beach Edition
This week, the Los Angeles City Council is “in recess” for the League of California Cities Annual Conference in Long Beach, a municipal spring break for folks still tethered to landlines. Officially, the Council, City Attorney, Controller, and assorted staff are there to exchange best practices. Unofficially, they’ve swapped public comment for drink tickets. The Catalina Island tour sold out faster than you can say “jurisdictional escape,” proving local leaders love nothing more than a getaway from the constituents they serve.
Remaining recess for City Council: Not too shabby.
What We’re Doing Here
Smart Speaker will be attending virtually — meaning I didn’t pay but am paying careful attention. My mission is to deliver the state of the art in city and county governance with the same courtesy extended to the public. Here are some of the seminars hosted by Smart Speaker LLC, the only vendor who takes questions.
THE SMART SPEAKER SEMINAR SERIES
First up, “Boondoggle 101: Using a Conference to Avoid Constituents.” This interactive exercise teaches you to draft an auto-reply claiming “Out of Office for Civic Engagement” while your staff forwards zoning complaints into the abyss. Bonus: master the art of expensing both mileage and enlightenment.
Next, “Artificial Intelligence for City Clerks: How to Pretend You Can’t Find the List of Settlements.” Join Frank from the City Attorney’s office in a hands-on lab where he swears no document exists — because the printer ran out of toner in 2016.
Then there’s “Civility in Public Meetings: The Art of Word Bans,” led by Council President Marqueece Harris-Dawson. Materials include a foam gavel, a mute button, and a laminated card that reads “Time’s up.”
Don’t miss “Ethics Through Selective Memory,” a case study on Paris, Chicago, and now Long Beach, where you’ll learn to forget where the money came from while remembering which lobbyist paid for the tote bag.
Finally, “Catalina Was Sold Out Anyway,” a reflective roundtable on managing disappointment and per diem allowances, complete with a ferry simulation and a $14 Homeboy sandwich.
Meanwhile, Back in the Empty Chambers...
While the delegation practices transparency underwater, two committees back home are, on paper, still doing business.
The committee everyone adores is tackling “Authorization to install 22 new parking meters to fund the cost of removing 22 old ones” and a motion to study the feasibility of studying feasibility. Smart Speaker’s comment: approve, but only if staff can locate the street where it’s happening.
Over at Budget & Finance, they’re reviewing “Liability Claims Batch No. 872” (translation: more hush money for trip-and-falls and police cars) and a request for a report-back on why report-backs are always late. Smart Speaker: we could save $320 million a year by holding this meeting in Long Beach fog.
Before recess, the Full Council passed a resolution recognizing the importance of the League of Cities Conference. It carried unanimously — nobody was there to vote no.
Smart Speaker’s Closing Keynote
Accountability doesn’t travel well. It stays home, wondering why the Council went dark. While delegates attend “Governing Amid Rising Incivility,” the public’s still waiting for a callback on last week’s housing moratorium. But take heart: somewhere in Long Beach, under a palm tree shaped like a question mark, Smart Speaker will be hosting a breakout session called “Paperwork Is the Crime: The Home Edition.” Admission is free, comments are unlimited, and unlike the Catalina tour, this one never sells out.
The Obnubilation Ceremony
The air in the Board of Supervisors chamber — usually thick with the faint smell of quiet desperation — was now a buzzing hive of panic. The County had just signed off on a $4 billion settlement for a tidal wave of claims, and just as everyone was about to congratulate themselves on bankrupting the public responsibly, a certain Rebecca Ellis from the L.A. Times noticed a tiny detail: downtown law firms were reportedly paying people to make claims.
“It’s as if we signed off on four billion dollars for a series of elaborate, staged flash mobs,” gasped Supervisor Mitchell.
Supervisor Hahn blinked. “A motion… to obfuscate?”
“Obnubilate!” barked Fesia Davenport, the County’s Chief Executive Officer, coming in from the back room. “This is not a time for mere obfuscation. This is a time for the Obnubilation Ceremony.”
From a small but elegant vintage suitcase, Davenport produced the ceremonial fog machine, engraved: “Est. 1893 — When a Streetcar Scandal Needed to Vanish.” Next came the Gown of Vague Platitudes, woven from repurposed press releases, and the Gong of Solemn But Vaguely Worded Action.
The Supervisors gathered, looking like five (good) witches over a cauldron gone wrong, as Davenport chanted:
“From clarity, a problem grew,
A pesky Times reporter saw it through.
So let the fog of doubt descend—
And on this matter, we shall pretend!”
The fog machine roared to life, filling the chamber in a dense, shimmering haze. Somewhere inside, a gong sounded, marking another fiscal quarter of pure, pearlescent opacity.
When the fog cleared, the Supervisors were gone. In their place: five bronze statues, serene, hands clasped, each on a tiny plaque that read, “Investigating.”
Davenport adjusted her lapel, noticed one of the stately bronzes had... vanished!
She picked up the fog machine and ordered that the security cameras be reviewed as part of an investigation into who took the Horvath Bronze. The Obnubilation Ceremony, against all odds, was a success.
Smart Speaker (tapping mic): Hello, is this on?
(Eric Preven is a Studio City-based television writer-producer, award-winning journalist, and longtime community activist. He is known for his sharp commentary on transparency and accountability in local government. Eric successfully brought and won two landmark open government cases in California, reinforcing the public’s right to know. A regular contributor to CityWatch, he combines investigative insight with grassroots advocacy to shine a light on civic issues across Los Angeles.)
