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HOLIDAY GREETINGS - This holiday season, something extraordinary happened: businesses from every corner of my life—past, present, and possibly imaginary—rose up in perfect digital harmony to wish me Happy Holidays.
Not friends. Not family. Businesses.
My inbox became a festive parade of subject lines insisting that this year was “special,” “magical,” and—most importantly—“not like other years.” According to at least 143 companies, this was the exact moment they felt compelled to reach out and express how deeply they care about me.
Some of these businesses I recognize. Others appear to have been formed sometime between my last dentist visit and the signing of the Magna Carta.
One email opened with, “As a valued customer…”
Valued!
I haven’t purchased anything from them since the Bush administration—but clearly, they’ve been thinking about me nonstop.
Another wrote, “We’ve been on a journey together.”
This surprised me, because I don’t recall hiking, bonding, or even making eye contact with them. But who am I to deny shared history?
Several companies thanked me for my “continued loyalty,” which is impressive considering I unsubscribed from them three times already. One even said, “We couldn’t do this without you.”
You sell printer ink. I bought one cartridge in 2016. Let’s all take a breath.
The holiday warmth really peaked with phrases like:
· “From our family to yours” (We have never met.)
· “Wishing you peace, joy, and exclusive savings” (Ah yes, the Three Wise Men.)
· “A gift just for you!” (Spoiler: it was 10% off, expiring in six hours.)
Some emails were deeply reflective, assuring me they were “pausing to give thanks.”
They paused just long enough to attach a 14-image product carousel and a reminder that shipping cutoffs are tonight.
I also appreciated the emotional vulnerability. One brand admitted, “This year has been challenging.”
Yes. For all of us. Especially for the sock subscription service that emails me daily.
By December 24, I had been wished Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Joyous Everything, Sparkly Season’s Greetings, and—my personal favorite—“Warm Winter Vibes.” A bold choice.
Still, I must say: I am grateful. Grateful to know that if I ever feel unloved, unseen, or forgotten, I can open my inbox and be reminded that a cloud-based workflow platform believes in me.
So thank you, dear businesses. Thank you for the cheer, the emojis, the heartfelt fonts, and the gentle reminder that somewhere out there, an algorithm cares.
And if you truly want to make my holidays bright next year?
One email.
No subject line.
Just the words: “No action required.”
(Jim Hampton is the Publisher and Editor of CityWatchLA.com. With over 40 years of experience in radio broadcasting, marketing, and content creation, Jim helped launch CityWatch online with founding editor Ken Draper more than two decades ago. He continues to guide the platform’s mission to provide independent news and opinion on Los Angeles government, policy, and civic life.)
