Mon, May

Why Trump's Return to the Oval Office has been Delayed


GELFAND’S WORLD - Although it has now been proved beyond a shadow of a doubt* that Donald Trump won the 2020 election, his return to the Oval Office has been delayed by a few days.

Even Mike the Pillow Guy admitted that there were factors out of their control. The reason or reasons for the delay have been steeped in secrecy and not a little controversy, but CityWatch has been able to gain access to a gaggle of Trump administration insiders who offered explanations. We share them with you here. 

There was a delay in printing the official letterhead. Advisers couldn't agree whether this administration would be labeled as the 45th, 46th or 47th. There is the additional complication that the returning president only has 10 fingers and 10 toes. 

Melania was washing her hair. 

Those pesky tax returns. 

They are still waiting for completion of a private walkway to the church across from the park, so Trump can hold a Bible right-side up this time. 

In being fitted for his new Generalissimo uniform, Donald had trouble getting a pair of gloves that fit him. 

There are still ongoing negotiations about renaming the Secret Service as the Secret Police. 

Getting the White House repainted and redesignated as the Orange House. (And yes, this is an old Godfrey Cambridge joke.) 

Busy dealing with his tax audit. 

Weird coincidence: Trump signs National Landslide Preparedness Act 

Maybe not such a coincidence after all: Back in 1999, the 18th hole of what is now the Trump National Golf Club in Palos Verdes literally dropped into the ocean. 

Sudden discovery that there is a shortage of Goya beans for the inaugural ball. 

There has been trouble finding the new Press Secretary, because the most likely candidates have all been indicted for the Capitol attack of January 6. 

The Los Angeles Board of Neighborhood Commissioners is yet to confirm the transition and DONE's General Manager has yet to sign off on the paperwork. 

And finally -- still waiting for the completion of the new Russian Embassy Annex where the rose garden used to be.


* See Mike Lindell's 11 volume autobiography titled Pillow Fight,  due out momentarily.


(Bob Gelfand writes on science, culture, and politics for CityWatch. He can be reached at [email protected])



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