09
Thu, May

Regarding the Divorce: Dear Red States

VOICES

MY THOUGHTS - I had an entirely different article planned for this week.  It was upbeat and hopeful and the right mood for the three religious holidays we celebrated.  The news in the last two weeks, however put me in a royal funk.  Fellow Seniors, remember when you were angry at your parents and yelled, “I hate you!”.  That did not go over well with either of my parents and was cause for either corporal punishment or grounding for an unlimited time. 

As a more “enlightened” parent I did not react the same way when it was hurled at me by one of my four little darlings.  Instead, I hopefully taught them that “I always love you BUT I don’t always like you and especially your behavior.  So, this long preamble means I love this country BUT I don’t always like it or its behavior.  Yes, some good things happened but the bad were very bad. 

I don’t have to list them for you.  You have been barraged with hourly “breaking news”.  In deciding how I could vent my frustration; I recalled an article I had written for CW a few years ago BB (before Biden)… similar times with similar tragic events.  

Someone had sent me a literary piece called “Dear Red States” and because my article was full of grim statistics, I felt obligated to at least make you smile (or groan aloud, which is almost as good).    Not willing to give myself credit for someone else’s work, I asked the author to come forth but no luck.  Unfortunately, I could have printed the entire article with an update on the stats.  It was the only part of the article, which had changed ( for the worse). 

I have taken the liberty of updating the letter including some more contemporary thoughts. 

Marjorie Taylor Greene had “almost” a good idea when she wanted to file for divorce, not her’s, she had done that already… but between the Blue States and Red States.

A suggested letter:

DEAR RED STATES: 

We've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. 

In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, California, New Mexico, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast.  

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country that includes Puerto Rico, U.S. Virgin Islands, Guam and Washington D.C.  

We also get most of the major shipping ports. So good luck with getting goods in or out of the country affordably.  

We also get Costco, Starbucks and Boeing. You get Texas, Oklahoma Tennessee Florida and all the slave states.  

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.  

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Branson, Missouri.  

We get Intel, Apple and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.  

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Mississippi.  

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue; you get to make the red states pay their fair share.  

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happier, intact families.  

We have a responsibility to maintain the American leadership role and will become a member of NATO and all the of the Western Global Alliances. 

With the Blue States unified, we will have firm control of 80 percent of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at your state dinners) 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools -- Brown, Columbia, Cornell, Dartmouth, Harvard, the Penn, Princeton, and Yale; and Mount Holyoke, Vassar, Smith, Wellesley, Bryn Mayr, Barnard, and Radcliffe colleges; plus University of California’s nine campus’s , Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.  

The Red States, on the other hand, will have to cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, plus Tucker Carlson, Elon Musk, Jim Jordan, Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Alex Jones, Rand Paul, Donald Trump, and please take Ron DeSantis.  You would have an immediate President. 

Additionally, 62 percent of you believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, more than 50 per cent of you still think the 2020 presidential election was stolen. Sixty-one percent of you delusional blue States believe you are people with higher morals then we WOKE lefties. (See the geographical statistics on divorce, pedophiles, ownership of ghost guns, assault weapons etc. ...)  

Oh, and when the next pandemic hits you will have a right not to be vaccinated…a “humane way” for limiting your population growth along with an AR-15 for every household instead of a “chicken in every pot”.  Blue States will elect our own legislators by popular vote and of course incorporate an ethical fact driven, neutral Supreme Court and a relatively non-partisan legislative body.  

Good luck  

Signed: We the people of the Blue States 

 

(Denyse Selesnick is a CityWatch columnist and a former publisher/journalist/international event organizer. Denyse can be reached at: [email protected].)