Sat, Apr

We Knew It: Melania Trump Reportedly Sleeps in the Guest Bedroom Where Michelle Obama’s Mom Used to Stay


WHAT THEY’RE SAYING--Melania Trump is no damsel in distress; in fact, she’s a calculated genius (if her visa is to be believed) who plotted on the old orange man with the attractive bank account. But unless Scrooge McDuck sleeps with his money, Melania reportedly has no interest in laying next to his old wrinkly ass. (Photo above: MANDEL NGAN (Getty Images) 

Until I see Melania Trump do anything other than wave and steal speeches from the most…

And that could be because of his sleeping routine. Every night before the president goes off to his sleeping coffin, he chokes a baby goat to death and then drinks 16 diet Cokes. Once he’s good and high off sugar, Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.) come to fluff his pillows and read him his favorite bedtime stories, Where the Wild Things Are...They’re In Russia! and Green Eggs and Ham...and Putin’s Taint. 

Who knows what it is that keeps Melania from sleeping next to Satan’s favorite chew toy—fine, we all know, but according to a new unauthorized biography, Free, Melania, written by CNN reporter Kate Bennett, due out later this week, Melania doesn’t sleep with Old Man Hatred. (Read the rest.)