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Calif Fair Practices Commission: OK to Screw Public If …

BLOG SOUP - Lobbyists have been frustrated in California because they have not been able to openly bribe elected officials--or even bureaucrats. Their gifts and services have been so restricted that not even cheap crooks would be tempted to sell out. A hot dog and soft drink just don't entice to vice our officials, not even in a recession.
Now to the rescue of impotent lobbyists and starving pols comes the California Fair Campaign Practices Commission--of all the ironic entities. The lobbyists are now allowed to screw the public as long as they are also screwing the politicians. No, I'm not kidding. In an abundance of compassion, if not either logic or common sense, the commission now holds that people dating can exchange gifts, meals--and wait for it: Sexual Favors!

Think about this for a half second before falling down in tears of either laughter or despair. I cannot take my Congressman, Senator, Mayor, Council or Assembly member out to dinner at a good restaurant to try to influence his or her, uh, position, unless my member is involved. What once would have been considered the essence of corruption is now the righteous cover for corruption.

Any lobbyist caught giving gifts or meals to an official is now safe if he or she claims a romantic intent.

And, of course and properly, the genders can be the same or different. We can mix and match as long as our intent is in fact lustful. So I can give either or both Diane Feinstein and Antonio Villaraigosa expensive gifts if I claim lust in my heart.

But just to be safe, if I try to buy them an expensive meal, I'll cover myself completely by ordering it from room service. Our Fair Commission has truly put the Cupid into cupidity.

(Jonathan Dobrer is a syndicated columnist and a frequent contributor to the Daily News Op-Ed page and to the Daily New Blog Friendly Fire where this piece was first posted. He is also an author. Visit his site to check out his books and learn more about him: )

Tags: lobbyists, sexual favors, California Fair Campaign Practices Commission, Cupid, Diane Feinstein, Antonio Villaraigosa

Vol 9 Issue 99
Pub: Dec 13, 2011