---

 ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Feb-2025/013k.jpg)

 [ VOICES ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=375)

#  Top Ten New Names For Greenland After We Buy It From Denmark

February 13 2025

Written by Ken Alpern.

<a class="a2a_button_facebook"></a><a class="a2a_button_twitter"></a><a class="a2a_button_email"></a><a class="a2a_button_print"></a>[](https://www.addtoany.com/share)

ALPERN AT LARGE - Just when you thought you’d seen enough insanity and stupidity from our nation’s capitol, along comes Rep. Buddy Carter (R-GA) who’s introduced a new bill called the “Red, White, and Blueland Act of 2025”, directing Interior Secretary Doug Burgum to oversee the name-changing of Greenland to Red, White, and Blueland”.

No typo there, folks—commas and all, this legislation authorizes President Donald J. Trump to enter into negotiations with Denmark “to purchase or otherwise [acquire Greenland](https://thehill.com/homenews/house/5138543-buddy-carter-donald-trump-greenland-name-change/))” …along with the proposed unwieldy name.

Now whatever ominous meaning the term “otherwise acquire” has is up for interpretation, and I suppose this bill’s name is to be expected from a Georgian named “Buddy”, but it got me to thinking:

What WOULD be a good new name for Greenland to have if or when we added it an enlarging American Empire?

I just don’t cotton to “Red, White, and Blueland”, but take a gander at these out-of-the-box monikers:

1. Debtland—My understanding is that a purchase of Greenland would cost $1-3 trillion, so I imagine this would entirely undo any DOGE efforts to reduce the debt, deficits, and budget inefficiencies of our nation currently championed by the White House.

2. Muskland—With the world economy awash in so much debt, I imagine that Elon Musk will the only person capable of buying this big chunk of real estate. Plus, it would be a perfect place to drive those hideous new Tesla cybertrucks!

3. Whiteland—No racial undertones here…just an obvious reference to the fact that glacial/permafrost ice is white, and not green. Actually, the “Greenland” name was coined by exiled murderer Erik the Red, who sought to attract settlers from his native Iceland with this name. Maybe it’ll attract American settlers, too?

4. Frozenland—There are no Disney princesses to be found there named Elsa or Anna (or any other princesses, I suppose), but since the last time this large island was green (quite green, actually) more than 2.5 million years ago, the soil frozen under two miles of ice can’t be accessed, so…ice castles, anyone?

5. Neener-Neenerland—‘Cuz…suck it, China!

6. Monroeland—Hey, Monroe Doctrine, anyone? Denmark is part of the Eastern Hemisphere, but Greenland is part of the Western Hemisphere. Accordingly, Greenland is OUR land, Eurobabies!

7. Trumpland—C’mon, everybody…you know this is what “The Donald” is angling for as his endgame here, right?

8. Ain’t-Putinland—Arguably, the greatest reason for Greenland under American hegemony is for defense purposes (the northern seas appear to be opening up to all sorts of Chinese and Russian ships), so with a new Ukraine/Russia ceasefire we don’t want Vladimir looking askance to the northernmost realms!

9. Santaland—Because…aren’t you at least a LITTLE curious?

10. Dangitscoldland—Although I honestly WOULD pay to have a well-heated hotel (with working Internet and Spa, of course) accessible to see the Northern Lights, I imagine this island would be seriously cold (and only 6-7 hours of sunlight per day in the winter)! But folks want to see Antarctica, too, right?

So welcome to the latest, greatest adventure in America’s new frontiers (Canada, Gaza, the Panama Canal, etc.)…Greenland!

From Presidents Truman to Trump, and even since the mid-1800’s, we wanted this chunk of North Pole real estate. Don’t laugh—look how Alaska turned out!

Just don’t name it “Red, White, and Blueland”, y’hear?

*(Kenneth S. Alpern, M.D, is a dermatologist who has served in clinics in Los Angeles, Orange, and Riverside Counties, and is a proud husband and father. He was active for 20 years on the Mar Vista Community Council (MVCC) as a Board Member focused on Planning and Transportation, and helped lead the grassroots efforts of the Expo Line as well as connecting LAX to MetroRail. His latest project is his fictional online book entitled The Unforgotten Tales of Middle-Earth, and can be reached at . The views expressed in this article are solely those of Dr. Alpern.)*

 [ ![LA DWP #2 (Pay Your Bill Help)](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/LADWP/dwp%20level%20pay%205-7-25.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/component/banners/click/82 "LA DWP #2 (Pay Your Bill Help)")

 ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/banners/signup-for-cw.png)

## Get The News In Your Email Inbox Mondays &amp; Thursdays

 Message

 [ ![Home - HHR Rent is too High - SB-2](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/HHR/AHF-rent-too-high.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/component/banners/click/104 "Home - HHR Rent is too High - SB-2")

 ---

##  Featured CityWatch Stories

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/20/070h-20f29015.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33277:trump-world-from-assassination-abroad-to-chaos-at-home&catid=395)

### [Trump World. From Assassination Abroad to Chaos at Home](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33277:trump-world-from-assassination-abroad-to-chaos-at-home&catid=395)

GELFAND’S WORLD - We’re at a moment when all sorts of political questions are coming to a head. And if that old phrase…

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/ed/068d-ed5f9acd.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33261:zuckerberg-may-finally-pay-a-price-for-preying-on-our-children&catid=375)

### [Zuckerberg May Finally Pay a Price for Preying on Our Children](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33261:zuckerberg-may-finally-pay-a-price-for-preying-on-our-children&catid=375)

IN MY VIEW - As a mother of two children who has often been on the losing side of family battles against screen time, I…

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/4b/070i-4ba64015.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33283:newsoms-next-immigration-gamble-defy-federal-law-and-dare-washington-to-fight-back&catid=375)

### [Newsom’s Next Immigration Gamble: Defy Federal Law And Dare Washington To Fight Back](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33283:newsoms-next-immigration-gamble-defy-federal-law-and-dare-washington-to-fight-back&catid=375)

MY THOUGHTS - Gov. Gavin Newsom is about to decide whether California should take another extraordinary gamble with fed…

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/27/070e-279910b9.png) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33275:nithya-raman-has-yet-to-address-hasan-pikers-antisemitism-controversy&catid=375)

### [Nithya Raman Has Yet to Address Hasan Piker’s Antisemitism Controversy](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33275:nithya-raman-has-yet-to-address-hasan-pikers-antisemitism-controversy&catid=375)

THE VIEW FROM HERE - While it was outrageous that in May 2026 CD 4 councilmember and mayoral candidate Nithya Raman end…

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/media/yootheme/cache/88/068h-88c43353.jpeg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33266:california-cant-insure-its-homes-now-sacramento-wants-to-insure-the-trees&catid=385)

### [California Can’t Insure Its Homes. Now Sacramento Wants to Insure the Trees](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33266:california-cant-insure-its-homes-now-sacramento-wants-to-insure-the-trees&catid=385)

INSURANCE EMERGENCY - California homeowners are struggling to find affordable coverage while Sacramento explores a new…

---

##  [ VOICES ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=category&id=375)

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/070i.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33283:newsoms-next-immigration-gamble-defy-federal-law-and-dare-washington-to-fight-back&catid=375)### [Newsom’s Next Immigration Gamble: Defy Federal Law And Dare Washington To Fight Back](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33283:newsoms-next-immigration-gamble-defy-federal-law-and-dare-washington-to-fight-back&catid=375)

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/070b.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33285:should-driverless-cars-continue-to-be-tested-waymo-often-when-real-lives-are-at-stake&catid=375)### [Should Driverless Cars Continue to Be Tested WayMo Often When Real Lives Are At Stake?](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33285:should-driverless-cars-continue-to-be-tested-waymo-often-when-real-lives-are-at-stake&catid=375)

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/070e.png) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33275:nithya-raman-has-yet-to-address-hasan-pikers-antisemitism-controversy&catid=375)### [Nithya Raman Has Yet to Address Hasan Piker’s Antisemitism Controversy](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33275:nithya-raman-has-yet-to-address-hasan-pikers-antisemitism-controversy&catid=375)

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/070f.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33279:are-californian-voters-so-enamored-by-their-one-party-system-that-theyve-embraced-tyranny&catid=375)### [Are Californian Voters So Enamored By Their One-Party System That They’ve Embraced Tyranny?](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33279:are-californian-voters-so-enamored-by-their-one-party-system-that-theyve-embraced-tyranny&catid=375)

 [ ![](https://www.citywatchla.com/images/stories/Aug-2026/067k.jpg) ](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33243:carney-draws-the-line-at-the-canadian-border-760-328-7444-theater-ears&catid=375)### [Carney Draws the Line at the Canadian Border.](https://www.citywatchla.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=33243:carney-draws-the-line-at-the-canadian-border-760-328-7444-theater-ears&catid=375)
<div data-id="1" 
	class="eb-inst eb-hide eb-emailform eb-1 eboxContentLocker"
	data-options='{"trigger":"onPageLoad","trigger_selector":"","delay":3000,"early_trigger":true,"scroll_depth":"percentage","scroll_depth_value":80,"firing_frequency":1,"reverse_scroll_close":true,"threshold":0,"close_out_viewport":false,"exit_timer":1000,"idle_time":10000,"close_on_esc":false,"animation_open":"slideInDown","animation_close":"fadeOutDown","animation_duration":400,"disable_page_scroll":true,"test_mode":false,"debug":false,"ga_tracking":true,"ga_tracking_id":"G-P16BQ7X1SW","ga_tracking_event_category":"EngageBox","ga_tracking_event_label":"Box #1 - Global Email Signup Form","auto_focus":false}'
	data-type='popup'
	>

	<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-outside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>
	<div class="eb-dialog eb-formVer" role="dialog" aria-modal="true" id="dialog1" aria-label="dialog1">
		
		<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-inside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>	
		<div class="eb-container">
						<div class="eb-content">
				
<form action="https://citywatchla.us2.list-manage.com/subscribe/post?u=34d69f33624fd058ee9b56516&amp;id=4bfa422f51&amp;f_id=00d6c2e1f0" class="eb" method="post" id="mcform-1" name="mcform-1" target="_blank">
			<div class="eb-form-header"><p><img src="/images/2023/06/be-a-city-watcher.png" alt="be a city watcher" width="350" height="97" loading="lazy" data-path="local-images:/2023/06/be-a-city-watcher.png"></p>
<p>Sign up to receive our special e-news blasts on Monday and Thursday evenings!</p></div>
	
					<div class="eb-field-row">

			
			
			
			<input class="eb-input" type="email" name="EMAIL"  placeholder="Email address"  id="EMAIL" value="" required>

			
		</div>
										
	<div class="eb-footer">
    	<button class="eb-btn" type="submit" name="subscribe" style="background-color:rgba(93, 183, 93, 1);color:rgba(255, 255, 255, 1)">
    		Sign up    	</button>
    </div>
</form>			</div>
		</div>
	</div>	
</div>
<div data-id="3" 
	class="eb-inst eb-hide eb-yesno eb-3 "
	data-options='{"trigger":"onScrollDepth","trigger_selector":"","delay":0,"early_trigger":false,"scroll_depth":"percentage","scroll_depth_value":80,"firing_frequency":2,"reverse_scroll_close":false,"threshold":0,"close_out_viewport":false,"exit_timer":1000,"idle_time":1000,"close_on_esc":false,"animation_open":"fadeInUp","animation_close":"fadeOut","animation_duration":300,"disable_page_scroll":false,"test_mode":false,"debug":false,"ga_tracking":true,"ga_tracking_id":"G-P16BQ7X1SW","ga_tracking_event_category":"EngageBox","ga_tracking_event_label":"Box #3 - Yes \/ No Donation Popup Box","auto_focus":false}'
	data-type='popup'
	>

	<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-outside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>
	<div class="eb-dialog " role="dialog" aria-modal="true" id="dialog3" aria-label="dialog3">
		
		<button type="button" data-ebox-cmd="close" class="eb-close placement-inside" aria-label="Close">
	<img alt="close popup button" />
	<span aria-hidden="true">&times;</span>
</button>	
		<div class="eb-container">
						<div class="eb-content">
				
<div class="ebox-yes-no">
	<div class="ebox-yn-text">
		
		
		<div class="ebox-yn-headline" style="font-size:22px;color:#888888">
			<p>If you only give once a month, would you consider giving to CityWatch?</p>
<p>Your support fuels our mission to promote and facilitate civic engagement and neighborhood empowerment, and to hold area government and its politicians accountable.</p>
<p>Would you like to help? Even if you can only give $5, it will make a difference.</p>		</div>
			</div>
	
	<div class="ebox-ys-buttons" style="font-size: 16px;">
		
<a
					data-ebox-prevent="0"
		data-ebox-cmd="close"
				target="_self"
		href="https://www.citywatchla.com/donate"
		rel="noopener"
	
	
	
	
	class="ebox-ys-btn"
	style="background-color:#2ec664;color:#ffffff;min-width:100px">
	Yes
	</a>
<a
	
	
			data-ebox-cmd="close"
		href="#"
	
	
	class="ebox-ys-btn"
	style="background-color:#ef2345;color:#ffffff;min-width:100px">
	Not Right Now
	</a>	</div>

	</div>			</div>
		</div>
	</div>	
</div>