Secret to Successful Aging

1) There was a recent series of articles and an expo on how to achieve "Successful Aging." There was information on health … especially diet. Most of the diets didn't contain anything that you used to like to eat.One item that caught my eye was planning plausible excuses for not attending Family Events like Birthdays and holidays like Thanksgiving.Not mentioned is the most important thing to "Successful Aging" is NOT DYING

2) THE END IS COMING ON APRIL 23RD. Well maybe not. David Meade who has a less than stellar success rate, 100% wrong in predicting the end, now says it is happening on April 23rd The reason is the sun, moon and Jupiter will align in the constellation of Virgo. Well, that explains everything. If the end does happen no one would be around to hear David say "I told you this would happen." Then again David wouldn't be around to say it.

3) Amov Haji is an 81 year old Iranian, who has not bathed in 61 years. He decided, when he was 20, that bathing was ruining his health. So he just stopped.  He basically lives outside.  He does have a small cement block shelter so when it rains there is no risk of washing off his carefully accumulated filth.   Referring to this guy as a "dirt bag" is the one time it would be literally not figuratively.

4) In Durham, North Carolina the Ball City Burger and Brew is celebrating exotic meat month by making burgers with everything from alligator, iguana, python and turtle. However, the piece de resistance, maybe?, is a burger topped with a roasted tarantula. When a whack job, who actually ate a "T" Burger, was asked what the tarantula tasted like he said, "It tasted like chicken."

5) Once again E. Schuyler Nerldorf has come up with an interesting thought. He wonders why when someone loses their temper, that person is forced to attend anger management. On the other hand the irritating one who caused the angry outburst, no problem.  They go on their merry way continuing to send others to anger management.

(Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)