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Thoroughly Modern Bob – Coming to a Legislature Near You!

Paul Hatfield
PERSPECTIVE-Thoroughly Modern Millie was a Tony Award winner. State Senator Bob Hertzberg is rolling out his own sequel. The only problem is the production cost. Actually, the real problem is we will be the ones bankrolling it if Bob gets the green light. It is the most expensive tax scam concocted, more than California HSR. I’m talking…

Elite Girls School Has Brentwood Up in Arms … Over Traffic

John Schwada
INSIDE LA-Hairdresser Mikell Powell is walking her two dogs in Brentwood along Sunset Boulevard just across the street from the Archer School for Girls (photo left). “I’m opposed to anything that would make driving on Sunset here anymore hellish than it already is,” Powell says as her dogs tug on their leashes. No question: there’s a 1.2 mile…

Homeless LA: Safe Havens, Not Sidewalks

Mike Bonin
WHO WE ARE-In recent years, Los Angeles has seen more progress in combating homelessness than it ever has – yet the problem is still getting worse. Since 2011, the region has housed more than 23,000 people – a record number even by national standards. Yet homelessness is on the rise. Encampments are proliferating in our neighborhoods throughout…

Can LA Afford Another Olympics?

Jack Humphreville
LA WATCHDOG-Boston bailed on hosting the 2024 Olympics when Mayor Martin Walsh refused to sign a host city contract with the United States Olympic Committee (“USOC”) that would have put Beantown (and possibly the Commonwealth of Massachusetts) on the hook for any cost overruns associated with this 17 day extravaganza. But Walsh’s refusal to…

The Petty Hypocrisy of Mandatory Ethics Training

Bob Gelfand
GELFAND’S WORLD-As a member of a neighborhood council board, I am required by state law to do 2 hours of ethics training every 2 years. Elected officials such as members of the City Council are also required to take this training. The curious thing about our California ethics rules is that they prohibit the small stuff while looking the other way…

Los Angeles: Brown lives Matter!

Fred Mariscal
LATINO PERSPECTIVE-According to the Los Angeles Times, over the last five years in LA County, coroner's data show that Latinos, who make up about half of the county's population, also represent about half the people killed by police. Of the 23 people fatally shot by law enforcement in the county this year, 14 were Latino. The Times raises an…

Grading the LA Times: Mike Feuer’s B+ Leaves Something Out

Noel Weiss
OTHER VOICES-Reading the LA Times’ Report Card grade of B+ for City Attorney Mike Feuer, it was good to see at least a 'hat-tip' to the issue of whether the City Attorney really is the “attorney for the people.” But their conclusion seems to be that he is not, and I believe that is wrong. Exactly who does the City Attorney represent? Certainly, he…

Beverly Hills Pounds Final Nail in Bike Lanes Coffin

Mark Elliot
GETTING THERE FROM HERE-If you expected that Beverly Hills might install bicycle lanes on our segment of Santa Monica Boulevard when reconstructing it next year, you will be sorely disappointed to know that City Council just pounded the final nail into the bike lanes coffin. City Council split on the Blue Ribbon Committee recommendation to expand…

Helter Skelter, Murder and the Looming Race War

Tony Castro
TONY CASTRO’S LA-In one of our last conversations before his death earlier this year, author and prosecutor Vincent Bugliosi lamented that while he had successfully imprisoned Charles Manson, he feared he had only made a dent in the threat of an apocalyptic race war that the mass murderer had hoped to ignite. “Madness and mad men,” said Bugliosi,…

 

Reynolds Rap Video: Joey has hope for the pope in Philly.





You’re gonna cry! Kids sing to teacher with cancer

Scarrrry! The Flying Gun

Kid Stuff! Full of chuckles


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The Dystopian Dream of the Nanny State

FRIENDLY FIRE - Imagine that you were incarcerated on marijuana charges for two decades. Now you get out, and there is New York in all its glory, complexity and wonder. Overcome with joy and new freedom you long for all you have missed. Hurrying to a bodega you order the Super-Size Giant Gulp--the 36-ounce monster Coke you have dreamed about. The counterman stares and informs you that a coke that large is against the law. You immediately question if you got bad information or that maybe the clerk thought you were looking for 36 ounces of coke, as in cocaine, and not Coca-Cola? I mean, there could be language issues. It is, after all, New York.

No, he tells you. The sale and possession of any sugar-sweetened drink that size is not tolerated. Incredulous, you wonder aloud if this guy is on drugs. He tells you with a straight, if confused, face that while he is not on drugs, he could give you an ounce of marijuana, and that would be perfectly legal! You begin to wonder at the very nature of reality and if you somehow lost your mind during your two-decade hiatus?

Trying to get your head on straight, you pursue this further down the rabbit hole of the Nanny State.

Sugar is bad for you and is now a restricted substance--but only in certain forms. You can't have the sugar-sweetened Coke, but you could have the chemically sweetened diet version. We used to think that chemicals were bad, but oh well.

Strangely, if not absurdly, the clerk offers to let you drown your sugar-deprived sorrows with a couple of doughnuts. Strangely a 20 ounce coke is 240 calories, exactly the same as a single powdered sugar doughnut. Yet the cola is the controlled substance. Go know.

Now hopped up on sugar, you go after your next craving--some great crispy and flavorful French Fries. They don't taste the same as you remembered, and you query the waiter. He informs you that trans-fats, the fats that made them taste good and crisp up, are now illegal in New York City. It's for your own good. The state, or actually the city, in the diminutive person of Mayor Bloomberg, wants you to live long and healthily. Strangely, alcohol is still permitted, as are all kinds of fatty meats. Better enjoy them now, you think.

At least they haven't yet outlawed sex, you chuckle to yourself as you go to consult a travel agent about going out to LA. You're pretty sure that there you could make the rest of your pent up fantasies come to fruition.

Joking with the agent, you tell him your plans, and he informs you that yes sex is still legal, but if there is a camera in the room, you have to wear a condom to protect yourself, your partner and any potential viewer from the hint of exposure to STDs.

You thought of asking him what an STD was, thinking that it might be an oil additive. But finally, you say the hell with it all and grab a cab back to the slammer.

(Jonathan Dobrer is an op-ed contributor to the Daily News and Friendly Fire and is a syndicated columnist. This column was posted first at Friendly Fire. More on Jonathan and his books at www.Dobrer.com)
-cw

Tags: Jonathan Dobrer, sugar drinks, sodas, Coke, donuts, Mayor Bloomberg, LA





CityWatch
Vol 10 Issue 46
Pub: June 8, 2012

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