N Korean Athlete Denies Defection Plan … Not Fond of the Old Dotard

 

#1.  A member of the staff accompanying (minding) the Athletes from North Korea at the Olympics in South Korea was asked if he feared some of their athletes might defect. He replied, "C'mon, with the success we are having with Rocket Man, why would I want to side with the ‘Old Dotard’?”

#2. In Washington State the house is set to vote on a bill that would reduce the complicated calorie counts restaurants are forced to include on their menus. The new simple calorie count menu just says "few" or "many" or “death guaranteed in 30 seconds or less.”

#3. A well known Food Magazine listed five reasons you should stop eating bacon. I checked them out and found them lacking. Homer Simpson agrees. Another article listed twelve reasons you should stop eating pepperoni. I decided to ask renowned pepperoni expert, John Schnatter, what he thought. His response, "That's nonsense. Who comes up with this stuff?"  So, let's hear it for bacon and eggs and pepperoni pizza !!!

#4.  A Robotics expert says we might be upgrading our bodies with bionic parts before the end of the century. These parts would have super human power. Our center for research and take-out decided to interview some men to learn if these bionic parts were available what would be the one they would want most. 80% replied a super human turbo charged bionic prostate. They also said, to accompany the prostate, it would be a good idea to throw in a bionic heart, too.

#5. A  new "syndrome" has been discovered recently. People are suffering from fear of medicine side effects including crippling anxiety attacks. Sufferers are advised that most of the horrendous side effects mentioned are extremely unlikely to occur. However, on advice from the lawyers, listing them, should it happen, serves as your warning and let's them off the hook legally. It's been reported that a new drug is being tested to help with this condition. Will IT have side effects?

 

(Tom Murphy is a writer, humorist, actor, disc jockey and an occasional contributor to CityWatch. He lives in Los Angeles.)

-cw